Photo by Patricia Prudente on Unsplash
These are Natalie Hart’s top takeaways from Barna’s webinar, Five Tips for a Tech-Wise Summer, May 2021.
Guiding principles about tech use
1. The goal is to raise children who can self-govern their screen use. This means moving more towards operating on trust more than strict time limits or bargains–trust with guidance, that is. And use of filtering software. This speaker advocated for letting children have a little freedom at a time, and guided freedom (i.e., you can open an Instagram account, but it will be private at first, we will be your first followers, and we will work together on posting, all while talking about what kinds of things to post and how to respond to things you’ll see).
2. Technology is always changing, so it’s something you’ll always have to be talking about. Communication was a huge theme. Talk regularly and early about the things that kids will see and experience online: pornography, screen addiction, mental health repercussions, bullying. And not just as warnings, but with guidance for how they can deal with it, decisions they can make. Detailing what constitutes online bullying can help your child to avoid engaging in it; after all, it can often seem funny, at first.
3. Your children will always be better than you at technology. So prepare yourself for them to get around your filtering software, and prepare them to respond to the sometimes nasty things they’ll experience as a result.
4. Use technology to start conversations rather than end them. Ask about what they’re seeing or doing. Watch some YouTube together.
Notes for parents and teens
Technology can be a tool for connection, but all too often we use it as a means of escape and numbing out. When we replace time spent with people around us for online time spent with people we’re away from, it can lead to feelings of isolation.
Heavy, unreflective screen use can lead to loneliness and depression. So be thoughtful about screen use. Notice your emotions when you mindlessly scroll. Do you regularly feel like you’ve lost hours in nothingness and haven’t done some things you genuinely love to do? Talk about your own struggles with technology with your kids and they might notice it in themselves when the time comes, and might even be more attracted to the idea of moderation.
Be aware that your children will use technology differently than parentsdo–they may be with their friends in a room and all on their phones, but they’re playing a game together, and communicating fluidly both digitally and in person. It might feel odd to digital immigrants (those of us who remember what life was like before smart phones & tablets), but it is a natural way for digital natives to be with each other.
Five Tips for a Tech-Wise Summer
Make sure you are doing things that involve your heart, soul, and mind.
1. Make material memories (instead of only digital photos and videos). Sketch, journal, write poems, make and send cards, collage, collect rocks, press flowers, preserve food, etc. Do it regularly all summer and you’ll have tangible mementos.
2. Choose something to practice and perform. Invest in becoming better at something that expresses who you are and give yourself a deadline with an audience for some stakes.
3. Find rhythms in how you spend your time. With less structure in the summer, it’s too easy to let time get away from us. Find a rhythm for times you’ll all always put down your screens.
4. Learn from your day. At regular intervals, ask each other for a High, a Low, and a moment you think you Did Well. This will show where the individual and family stressors are and let you celebrate those things that are going well.
5. Plan for boredom. Let you and your kids be bored without reaching for a screen–this is when real creativity can come about when we teach ourselves how to climb out of boredom.