Every child’s spiritual and emotional development is unique, but there are common patterns. Use these lists to guide your expectations of the children in your care and how you talk with them about God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit, and about the faith.
Children with intellectual disabilities
Children and teens with intellectual disabilities will have varying understandings of faith and of what communion is all about. Happily, faith is more about having a relationship with Jesus, about trusting God, than it is about understanding sophisticated theology. There are so many deep truths that those with intellectual disabilities can fully live out: God loves you, Jesus chooses you, God forgives you when you are sorry for things you do, God wants you to talk to him about what is going on in your life, Jesus wants to help you, God created this amazing world, etc.
Spiritual characteristics at different ages
The following is drawn from the Christian Reformed Church’s Faith Formation Ministries materials. To access the originals, go here: Spiritual Characteristics of Children | Welcoming Children to the Lord’s Supper.
Preschoolers
- have a growing sense that God is very special and real.
- tend to have a literal concept of God, perhaps as a grandfather figure.
- readily accept what you say about God.
- sense that God loves them and cares for them and that they can love and trust him.
- enjoy frequent repetition of Bible stories.
- can recite simple prayers, and may add their own ideas.
- generally do the “right thing” out of fear of punishment or to win approval.
- sense that church is a good place to be.
- experience communion as part of their worship experience, mimicking their grownups’ faith.
5-6-year olds
- have a very real spiritual nature, a strong sense of who God is, and often relate to Jesus as their friend.
- are aware of right and wrong, and begin to experience guilt and understand forgiveness.
- understand God’s love and our response to that love within the context of everyday experiences. By and large they are concrete thinkers.
- can be delighted and awed by Bible stories and use their imagination to ask questions.
- can express their love for Jesus in words and actions.
- are able to understand that the bread and juice remind us of Jesus’ body and blood. They understand that the celebration of communion reminds us that Jesus died on the cross and forgives our sins.
7-8-year olds
- are capable of understanding basic salvation concepts and of making a commitment to Jesus (but may make a commitment simple out of a desire to please adults).
- often express opinions and feelings about God and church and ask many why and how questions.
- often include prayer in their daily routines. Their prayers are often self-centered but are sincere are offered in faith.
- often still see issues in black and white.
- experience communion as a reminder of Jesus’ death and resurrection and are able to understand that the celebration of communion is something that God’s family does together as a way of remembering Jesus’ gift of forgiveness.
9-10-year olds
- are developing a conscience (a personal sense of right and wrong that often expresses itself in judgments of what is unfair or unjust).
- may be able to deal with moral questions in terms of motives and consequences, love, loyalty, promises, and so on.
- may show an increasing concern for people who are hungry, homeless, or poor.
- are open to learning about other cultures and accepting differences in others.
- understand why we pray and are often able to make up spontaneous prayers.
- are more inclined to look inward than younger children are, and may ask questions and wonder about making a commitment to Christ.
- continue to deepen their understanding that the bread and the juice are reminders of Jesus’ body and blood that were given through his death on the cross. They are beginning to understand metaphors and symbols.
Teens
The 3 big questions teens of all ages ask are:
- Who am I? (an identity question)
- Where do I fit? (a belonging question)
- What difference do I make? (a purpose question)
Preteens and young teens
- resonate with the truth that God knows and cares for them personally as an individual.
- are able to commit themselves to Christ and to a life of Christian gratitude and service.
- are idealists, quick to point out faults and failures at home and in the world, quick to spot injustices, and eager to become involved in worthy causes. They can be blind to how this idealism applies to their own behavior.
- are beginning to see things from others’ perspectives, and so become very interested in what others things of them. This may feel like self-absorption from your point of view.
- experience community both in person and online. They may feel closer to the people they interact with online than the people they see every day. They may also be one kind of person in real life and a completely different person online.
- are developing their own beliefs and values in the context of peers, school, media, and church, but are very concerned about conforming to the group or culture (or the subculture they’re drawn to).
- need to know they’re important to God and to the church right now, not just when they get older. Give them opportunities to serve and use their gifts.
- often admire and imitate adults as a way of establishing their own identity.
- may struggle with doubts and questions about their faith, feelings that often intensify in older adolescence. Their faith still likely reflects the faith of their parents, but they begin to make it more personal and individual.
- are able to use metaphors and understand symbolism. Many young teens have the same cognitive tools that adults do to understand the richness of the sacrament. But most do not yet have the life experiences to help put this sacrament in the context of their lives or of the bigger salvation story.